i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
