I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
