Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
