is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
