once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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