I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
