ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
