Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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