Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
