I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
