billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
