I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
