goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
