God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
