I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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