You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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