did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
