i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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