Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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