He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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