i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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