I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
