her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
