i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
