The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wear drunk well.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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