Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
