i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
