If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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