explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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