Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
