Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
