remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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