It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
two words: eviction party
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
