she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im six kinds of drunk right now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
