oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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