He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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