I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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