3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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