things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
