I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I forget how to act sober
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
