Screwed.edu
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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