I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
