I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
