So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
