i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
