guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
