so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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