Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
