So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
