The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
