i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
