i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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