In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
