Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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