there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
