someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
