just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
