Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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