Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
