I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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